River's Birth Part 1

River Birth Story

Due Date: March 25^th

Birthday: April 2

            And the story goes…about a month before I was due, the midwives were telling me that I was measuring a week early. I continued to hear this for the next few appointments. Spring Break was just around the corner and I started not to feel good. I just assumed it was signs that I was about to deliver, therefore I took off two days of school. HR was very confused why I was taking time off and I told them I was measuring early and expecting to go into labor in the upcoming days. (Big Mistake = the baby came three weeks later) HR probably thought I was just trying to get out of work; not true.

            A week of spring break passed and then the week of my due date passed. I went back to the midwives a week after my due date. At that point I had the choice on whether to induce or not. Some of the deciding factors included my mother going out of town, feeling physically past my capacity, predictions of a large baby and honestly just plain personal anxiety. This whole process was very emotional because I wanted everything to happen naturally and without interventions.

So after Dave calmed me down, we decided to be induced the night of April Fool’s Day. We went to Spaghetti Works for my “Last Supper”. The day felt surreal as I kept in mind that we would no longer be just two. We went home to pack (for the fifth time). I tried to take a nap but to no avail. Before we went to the hospital, we stopped at Target and walked through every toy aisle. Each of us grabbed something from Starbucks and then we drove to the hospital. I can remember time moving so slowly as we parked in the parking garage and walked slowly through the skywalk into the hospital.  I kept thinking is this really happening; is it really the moment I’ve been waiting for?

            Every fiber in my being was excited even just to give the front desk our name. A real bubbly nurse checked us in and thank the Lord, we got a corner room (aka bigger room). They took some blood and hooked me up to all their oh so comfortable gadgets. I had to sleep overnight on Cervidil. It was hard to sleep with the anticipation of everything, plus I couldn’t move with all the wires. Dave didn’t get much sleep either.

            Morning came and we had hoped for some dilation because I wasn’t dilated at all. Unfortunately nothing had happened and they were going to start Pitocin. My all natural, no intervention birth plan was basically down the tubes. They start Pitocin at 2ml and then bump it up by twos gradually. I asked the nurse what the highest level of Pitocin they usually give was and she told me twenty. Well I didn’t feel anything until 12 which some might consider a good thing. But then it all hit at once. My mom was going to stop by on her lunch break but when she got there, I was starting to die of pain.

Life is Frail

Lately the frailty of life has been on my mind. Country Music is usually the instigator for me to get on the phone and remind Dave of how much I love him. It also makes me want to get home a little faster everyday to River. He is rolling over now and altogether very squirrelly. The days when I would rock him to sleep are now few. The days of spitting food, pulling off his socks, and screaming out of delight are now here. All this reminds me to count my blessings everyday. Yesterday I remembered an old song by Joy Williams "Every Moment". While its easy for me to cherish my family, I have to work at being grateful in other areas of life in which I'm a constant complainer. Altogether I know that I don't deserve the immense blessings the Lord has drowned me in.

Wrestling Those Feet

11 Blessings

11. My mini van is proving to be quite the blessing. I can pack a stroller, pack n play, groceries, other shopping bags, large furniture pieces, nurse in the car, and still feel it fits into normal parking spots without being a tank.
10. I having loving in-laws. They are very genuine, sincere and generous. I greatly admire how they serve their family. It is such a blessing that my son has a rich Christian heritage from both families.
9. My niece is sassy; she no different than any other woman in my family. She is two years old and I love that ridiculous things she says and repeats. Also I feel like we have a special relationship and I know she loves me.

8. My church refreshes me. I strongly believe that church is also a place to serve but I don't always walk away from churches feeling empowered, loved, or joyful. I do at my church. Its exciting to encounter God with people who believe he wants to act and is going to act.
7. I'm overwhelming blessed with great friends, a great mom, sister, cousin, and many real/adopted aunts. There are many women who listen to my nonsense emotions and do not make me feel stupid. I appreciate the sympathetic smile, words of encouragement and testimonies of your similar struggles.
6. I'm grateful for my brother who makes me smile and pee my pants laughing at stupid stuff and a dad who assist in my crazy projects. I'm lucky to have been introduced to tools and carpentry skills at a young age.
5. My house is my safe place. I can relax, sing loud in the shower, and express myself in my decorating. Its great not to have neighbors a wall away and I love having a backyard to enjoy yard games.
4. Food is one of my weaknesses but at the same time I believe God did create it for our enjoyment. I have a sweet tooth. I think I went crazy after giving birth because I had been so strict with my diet while I was pregnant. So thank you Lord for cookies, ice cream, and SONIC!!!!!

3. RIVER BABY- I could cry I'm so in love with that boy. I really try to cherish every moment, knowing I wont always be able to hold him forever. He smiles at me when he is suppose to be nursing. He face brightens up every morning when I get him out of bed. He now hold onto the back of my neck or hair when I'm holding him. I can't get enough.

2. Someone else I can get enough of is David James. He is God greatest gift to me. Just yesterday he looked at my and said "Why did you do your hair today?" I reply, "I didn't do my hair, I just threw it up in a pony tail." He proceeds to tell me I look beautiful :) I love his servant heart, silly humor and simple calming touch. I love every day with him. Growing old together will be full of laughter and fun.
1. I'm blessed to know God likes me. Shame, guilt and inadequacy use to characterize my faith. NOT ANYMORE. Thinking about God or singing in worship makes me feel happy now instead of wanting to hide. I know God delights in my love for my family, passion for me ESL students, and desire to be a mom. Thank you Lord for being a good God with an eternal loving smile towards me.

One Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure

I found a dresser on the side of the road and now have big plans :). Also I am planning on making the ruler as a growth chart.

River Collage

A Diamond in the Dutch

Sorry it's been awhile. Since my computer is given back to the school for the summer, I can't load pictures to my blog from the ipad so it will be a few weeks until new pictures of River show up.

As many of you close friends know, nursing has been the hardest thing I've ever done, in the sense that my child doesn't like to nurse and I'm determined to see it through. Over the last two months, I've talked to 3 different lactation consultants, one is the best in the state, cried about every other day and tried every possible trick to get it to work. Basically I try everything and then start again at the top of the list when it doesn't work.

My husband has been SOOOOO good to me through all this. From the beginning he has supported me to try nursing even though the easier choice for everyone would be switching to a bottle permenantly. He's gets up with me in the middle of the night when the baby is too mad to acknowledge his extreme hunger and just cries. He never once has mentioned giving up or switching to the bottle. Dave has comforted me when I am discouraged and always reminds me to take it one day at a time.

But yesterday, he out did himself. I called him crying because the baby was again fighting me to eat. I was mad when he didn't respond after I told him everything that was going on, so I proceed to hang up. My instincts wanted to send Him a text saying "remind me to abandon you in your time of need' BUT the Holy Spirit reminded me of the Proverbs I read that morning about controlling your tongue/texts :) so I didn't and eventually the baby ate. Dave called after that about 4 times before I could get to the phone. Little did I know he left work early to come help me. WHAT A GEM! He helped me clean the house for a party and take care of River. All in one day I cried because I thought he was ignoring me on the phone (little did I know he was in the middle of a meeting) and I later cried because I was overwhelmed that he loved me enough to come home and help. The way he puts up with me is supernatural! I love that man to pieces and he is an incredible dad! LOVE YOU DAVID!!

Loving Conviction

So the last two weeks have been a little bit hard. River has been fussier and we've had a little trouble feeding.   My reaction to all this was to go to the internet...bad idea. I had him pegged with every kind of problem but none of them symptoms seemed to stick to make a conclusive judgement. Yesterday my husband forced me to have some quiet time. As I listened to the Lord, he revealed to me my idol of knowledge. I felt the need to  research everything and not once did I ask God for help. He lovingly reminded me that he is the maker of my son and knows better than the internet what my son needs. Amazingly after some prayer, River and I have had the most peaceful day. The little monkey just needed some sleep :) Thank you God for your gentle rebuke.