A Little Spare Time

This I made for Christmas from Grandma's old Button Jars!

Wetbags for cloth diapering on the go- if you don't mind uneven lines and a zipper that only half opens- I'm your seamstress!

God Always Likes You

Last night I got home after conferences so excited to see River. It had been a long day with work and conferences in the evening. Dave had warned me that River was exhausted but he would hold him off on bedtime until I got home. So when I got home, River gave me a small smile then immediately started crying when he got into my arms. Getting him to sleep was a mixture of fussiness, screaming, sitting then standing, and on and off nursing. Normally this would have been a bad end to a long day but for some reason I was just elated to be with my son. Then I began to think about God. I struggle with believing that God is always disappointed with me when I'm emotional. As I held River , I felt like God was telling me, I always delight in you- even when you are emotional. It was like a smile from Heaven reminding me there is nothing I can do to make God not like me. He likes me/you and delights in me no matter how I'm acting that day :)

Baby Essentials at the VZ Home

Aden and Anais blankets have been lifesavers!!! During our four month nursing fight, this was one of the only ways I could get River to nurse. He loves it near his face for feeding and sleeping. We don't go anywhere without one.

Bum Genius Diapers are reusable diapers. I use them a couples times a week and then throw them into the washing machine. Every time I use them I save about 20 cents which adds up over time.

This I use a couple times a week when River wakes up congested. The nasal aspirator would be great too if River wouldn't fight me. It is the best booger sucker I've found besides the hospital ones.

You're probably confused. Unlike most moms with a 6 month old, I still get up about four times a night. I use these push lights when I get up to nurse River back to sleep--- perfect amount of light!

River currently does not like the high chair so we feed him in the bumbo. Also I think it helped him with head control and now trying to sit up. Disclaimer to new moms: it doesn't work as a bath seat in standing water.

I LOVE CHILDREN'S BOOKS!!! And now I believe my son does too. He grabs for it every time we read and is very talkative when you put a bath book in his hands. I like to think he is reading in all that babble.

Sophie the Giraffe- River first discovered her at daycare. It is a rubber toy that is great for teethers. Apparently everyone in Europe gets these for their babies. Yes, they are a little expensive for my taste but he LOVES it.

I'm sure with each new stage of life we will have another "essential" list.

River's Birth Story Part 3

The midwife rushes in and I begin to push as she get everything ready. More people began to fill the room. I remember the anesthesiologist popping his head in. I probably was thinking at that point “you are worthless.” Also I remember the baby warmer being set into place. Pushing was painful and at times I felt scared. I knew the pain wasn’t going away so I gave it all I got. My mom was saying I was doing amazing. I think she would have said that no matter what. The midwife said I was crowning and asked if I wanted to feel his head. I replied no- HA! Just a few pushes later, the baby’s head was on its way out to which I heard STOP from everyone. I tried my best to stop because I didn’t know why they were saying that. Seconds later the midwife sternly says PUSH. River was then laid on my chest and I was stunned. I couldn’t believe he was real and mine.

A second later he was grabbed from me. Dave went over to the baby warmer while my mom stayed by me. Little did I know that the cord was wrapped around his neck. The nurses were patting his back and using a sucker object down his throat. At the same time the NICU team swarmed into the room.  My mom explained all this to me while I lay watching so I wasn’t scared. Eventually River let out a big cry. Those few minutes were the longest of Dave’s life. Since the nurses were so focused on getting River breathing, no one was talking to Dave. He didn’t know in those minutes if his son was going to live. River was put on oxygen temporarily and had an iv on his arm. Soon they laid him back on my chest. I was still in awe that he was my son.

            The next hour included family coming in, lots of shaking, blood pressure checks every ten minutes and baby gazing. It was nice that the doctor ordered him not to be held by anybody but Dave and I. This was so his breathing would stabilize.  I had a second degree tear and that was proof to me that the epidural did not work. I felt everything post birth. I begged the nurse to take out the IV and really that was the most reliving part of post delivery besides being able to take a bath. Lots of family came to see River. We barely got any sleep those days because of all the excitement. I was so grateful to the midwife for basically saving my son. Initially, I was somewhat annoyed that the midwife on duty was the one lady I had the least appointments with. I kind of judged her as being young therefore the least proficient at delivery babies. So in the end, I was very humbled that she saved River and I also learned that she was ten years older than what I suspected. Looking back, the only thing I would have changed is getting nausea medicine instead of the epidural. I didn’t know at the time that nausea medicine existed and the epidural didn’t even work for me. All in all I’m grateful for a healthy baby, an incredible husband, a loving family, and a wonderful staff at Methodist.  PRAISE GOD!!

River's Birth Part 2

Every time I had a contraction, I felt like I was going to throw up. This emotionally drained me of having any mental strength. This went on for an hour or two. The midwife checked me again and I had only dilated to three centimeters from 8am to about 1pm. Feeling discouraged, I asked everyone to leave so I could talk to Dave alone. I told him I was ready for an epidural. He tried to talk me out of it. That is exactly what he should have done. He knew how much I wanted to do it without pain meds and I probably would have been mad later on that he so easily let me give in.  After awhile he finally understood that I was serious. We asked the midwife for an epidural to which she immediately ordered up. The anesthesiologist was very busy so they gave me fentanyl until he could get there. To get through the pain I just huddled up on my side and squeezed whosever’s hand was there. This too was painful with a stupid iv that hurt my hand the entire delivery. Since I didn’t open my eyes through all of this, I just patted my thumb and fingers together as a sign to someone to grab my hand. I don’t think I opened my eyes until the baby was born. At some point Dave or my mom would push on my tailbone during contractions, which would ease the pain a little. At some point while waiting for the anesthesiologist to arrive, my water broke. I remember them having to lift me to change the sheets, which would have been embarrassing in any other situation. As time passed, I had some really heavy breathing going on that eventually turned into a moan; similar to a dying cow.

AN HOUR LATER, the anesthesiologist arrived to do the epidural. He had to stick me 3 different times. He had a sarcastic personality, which I would have appreciated had I not been in labor. During this time, I bent over and squeezed the life out of the sweetest nurse during every contraction. Mid labor she was assigned to a different floor, which was sad because she was really awesome. I actually didn’t have any bad memories from being stuck three times for the epidural because the contractions were so strong. The only thing the epidural did was take away the nausea. I still felt strong back labor and was beginning to feel the onset of the need to push. The midwife checked me right after the epidural and I was an 8. All in one hour I had gone from a three to an eight- CRAZY!

For about another hour, I fought through contractions. A new nurse was assigned who was very nice and great throughout the rest of delivery. I still preferred the first nurse who had a warm mothering way about her. After the baby was born, she came back the next day to check in on me- so sweet! The new nurse then asked me if I was ready to push. I could have but I knew I needed a stronger feeling until I could wait any longer. About a half hour later I was ready and dilated to 10. I started pushing with Dave, my mom and the nurse with me. After about five pushes, the nurse told me I had to stop. She said the baby was going to come within a few pushes and the midwife was in another labor. Our poor midwife had five deliveries back to back that day. So while I waited, I tried to persuade my mom and the nurse that I had to push. I pleaded with the nurse to just deliver the baby herself. My mom told me to go for it but somehow I waited for 45 minutes. That was horrendous.

River's Birth Part 1

River Birth Story

Due Date: March 25^th

Birthday: April 2

            And the story goes…about a month before I was due, the midwives were telling me that I was measuring a week early. I continued to hear this for the next few appointments. Spring Break was just around the corner and I started not to feel good. I just assumed it was signs that I was about to deliver, therefore I took off two days of school. HR was very confused why I was taking time off and I told them I was measuring early and expecting to go into labor in the upcoming days. (Big Mistake = the baby came three weeks later) HR probably thought I was just trying to get out of work; not true.

            A week of spring break passed and then the week of my due date passed. I went back to the midwives a week after my due date. At that point I had the choice on whether to induce or not. Some of the deciding factors included my mother going out of town, feeling physically past my capacity, predictions of a large baby and honestly just plain personal anxiety. This whole process was very emotional because I wanted everything to happen naturally and without interventions.

So after Dave calmed me down, we decided to be induced the night of April Fool’s Day. We went to Spaghetti Works for my “Last Supper”. The day felt surreal as I kept in mind that we would no longer be just two. We went home to pack (for the fifth time). I tried to take a nap but to no avail. Before we went to the hospital, we stopped at Target and walked through every toy aisle. Each of us grabbed something from Starbucks and then we drove to the hospital. I can remember time moving so slowly as we parked in the parking garage and walked slowly through the skywalk into the hospital.  I kept thinking is this really happening; is it really the moment I’ve been waiting for?

            Every fiber in my being was excited even just to give the front desk our name. A real bubbly nurse checked us in and thank the Lord, we got a corner room (aka bigger room). They took some blood and hooked me up to all their oh so comfortable gadgets. I had to sleep overnight on Cervidil. It was hard to sleep with the anticipation of everything, plus I couldn’t move with all the wires. Dave didn’t get much sleep either.

            Morning came and we had hoped for some dilation because I wasn’t dilated at all. Unfortunately nothing had happened and they were going to start Pitocin. My all natural, no intervention birth plan was basically down the tubes. They start Pitocin at 2ml and then bump it up by twos gradually. I asked the nurse what the highest level of Pitocin they usually give was and she told me twenty. Well I didn’t feel anything until 12 which some might consider a good thing. But then it all hit at once. My mom was going to stop by on her lunch break but when she got there, I was starting to die of pain.

Life is Frail

Lately the frailty of life has been on my mind. Country Music is usually the instigator for me to get on the phone and remind Dave of how much I love him. It also makes me want to get home a little faster everyday to River. He is rolling over now and altogether very squirrelly. The days when I would rock him to sleep are now few. The days of spitting food, pulling off his socks, and screaming out of delight are now here. All this reminds me to count my blessings everyday. Yesterday I remembered an old song by Joy Williams "Every Moment". While its easy for me to cherish my family, I have to work at being grateful in other areas of life in which I'm a constant complainer. Altogether I know that I don't deserve the immense blessings the Lord has drowned me in.

Wrestling Those Feet