Last Day...

At 3:00 this morning I was wide awake worrying about my students. As a teacher, it is easy to foresee some future struggles of your students. (i.e. insecurities, complacency, attention seeking, even promiscuity) There is a part of me that wants to protect them and set them back on track when they fall off the road. Obviously I can't do that for them. So I pray for them which I have frequently done over the last few months as I've prepared to leave. (If you didn't know, I've resigned from teaching to stay at home with Junior)

Yesterday was that last day for students. I gave them all a little gift and had an ice cream party. They made me promise to email my co-teacher with any life updates and to come back and visit if I had another baby. My co-workers did well at making me cry through cards and flowers. One of my teaching friends made a beautiful tree canvas painting and each of the ESL students put their thumb print on it to look like an apple tree. There was a quote by Maya Angelou on it says,

"At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”

         My heart feels conflicted with leaving teaching because I really do love my students. At the same time, I desired to stay at home with River. We struggled initially to secure childcare, which was very tolling on me. While we did find an AWESOME woman to watch River, it was a conflict when he was sick and both parents had mandatory meetings. Between the 30 min drive, cost of childcare, and an emotional mama, we decided it was best for me to stay home. Even so, my heart still mourns the closing of this chapter. To all the student who made my heart full- I will miss you so much more than you know. And to all the amazing staff who became close friends- I will facebook stalk you :)

        If you feel led to pray for my "stay at home mom" adventures, I'd appreciate it! I'm anticipating some road bumps in learning how to stay sane, joyful, adequately socialized, and productive. I realize this will look different, then how my mind currently perceives these things.

A Letter to My FEELINGS

If you believed God is an extravagant giver – would you be more full?

If you believed God WANTED to heal you - would you feel healthier?

If you believed God delighted in you – would you have more joy?

If you believed God wasn’t angry with you - would you be less angry with yourself?

If you believed God doesn’t keep score – would you stop keeping record of how you’ve been wronged?

If you believed God wasn’t constantly disappointed in you – would you be less depressed and critical of yourself?

If you believed God turns around Satan’s plans to bring you good – would you feel lightness in your chest again and peace?

If you believed God saw you as his royal child – would you stop feeling like an orphan?

If you believed that God is always there – would you stop feeling abandoned?

If you believed God understands - would you stop defending yourself?

If you believed God loves Quality time with you- would you put down the ipad and phone?

If you believed God will answer - would you ask for bigger or more things?

If you believed God wanted more than anything to make you whole -would you stop exhausting yourself trying to fix everything?

If you believed that God is always good - would you stop complaining about the small things?... and big things?

If I believed God's character doesn't depend on my circumstances - would I stop relying on my feeling and circumstances to build my theology?